SHYNESS 

Sitting in a crowd,
conversations spewing about.
I don't know what to do-
what to talk about.
Blank is my mind,
I'm afraid to speak my thoughts.
For if I do,
what will they think of me?

Will they think I'm crazy?
Will they think I'm kind?
Will they respect my opinion,
or will they hate me for the rest of time? 

My palms grow sweaty,
my heart beats fast,
I grow as still as stone.
I want to run away,
but I've got to face up to my fears,
and stay.

I try to say something,
but I take it all back,
when one by one,
they all start to laugh.

I rush away from it all,
their voices no longer heard,
while the pain of my sorrow is lingering;
too fresh to be faced again.

I replay the scene in my mind,
each second hurting worse,
trying to find what went wrong,
while growing morose.

My fault is still not known,
and tears start flooding by,
while trying and trying,
to find this secret fault of mine.

I begin to ask questions,
analyzing to the bone:
Am I so funny?
What did I do?
Was I too kind?
Was I harsh or rude?

I feel as before,
painful and alone,
hot tears against my face,
wishing I had never spoken-
like this never did take place.

There comes another day,
when conversations spring up,
and this time-
I keep my mouth shut.

-Anita 
copyright Anita