Questions Unanswered

Does he really want to stay as we are? 
Without me, he could grow and go far.
For fifteen years, we have been as one,
The burden he bears now, must weigh a ton. 
I hope its not guilt, that keeps him here,
For this to me, is my greatest of fears. 
I know he loved me, when I was well.
Without words being said, I could tell.
What about now, when I need him the most? 
Questions unanswered, haunting, like a ghost.
I don't want his love to grow into hate, 
Yet somehow I feel that this is my fate. 
I am not a help, nor am I a gain,
Does he know how I feel, does he know the  pain?  
Do you want to know the saddest part? 
It may be too late, and it breaks my heart. 
One day I'll speak out loud, and use my voice,
I hope for our sakes, he makes the right choice. 
And if he does, I don't want him to feel remorse,
He'll be in my heart, and stay there of course. 

Patt Paulos-Darrow

Death and Life

Suffering in a quiet way, letting no on feel the pain.
The body and the mind cry out for gentle release.
Anxiously awaiting their time to let go and rest. 
The body shall lay calmly till it is no more. 
Unlike the body, the mind, will never forget. 
It will hold in a distant peaceful place. 
A new life will be started, with no pain or agony.
The cycle begins again, in hopes for a better life. 

Patt Paulos-Darrow

Lonely Christmas

On Christmas morning you are all alone. 
Empty feelings as you wait by the phone.
One little call is all it will take.
knowing inside what a difference it makes. 
No more sharing today, with wife and son.
For no longer is there three, but only one. 
The phone is ringing, you hear his sweet voice.
Wondering now, if you made the right choice. 
It is time to go, you're heart breaks in two.
Only twelve more months, till he spends it with you.  

Patt Paulos-Darrow

Rainbow

A rainbow is beautiful, in so many ways.
Each of the colors, having different things to say.
Blue, is for the sky, in all of its glory.
If we could just touch it, to understand the story. 
Green is for Lovliness of flowers and trees.
Put on this earth for all of us to see. 
Yellow is the warmth and glow from the sun.
To share with the world, as if we were one. 
Orange is the joy and excitement of Spring.
The heartwarming feelings, to make us sing.
Red is for the beauty and love from the heart.
Since it is on top, what a great way to start. 
Now you know the colors and what they stand for. 
And as you grow older they will mean even more. 

Patt Paulos-Darrow

Deep Feelings

I feel sometimes that I am all alone
Even tho I have a family and a home.
I know how awful lonliness can be.
But it can be worked on, this I see.
Pity for oneself, is a terribly sad thing.
All it does is leave you alone on a wing.
By wing, I mean a certain part of the heart.
Each day I try harder, at fixing that part. 
I can be weak, and other times strong. 
So to give up trying would be very wrong.
People think I am depressed and sad.
They need to look deeper, and see I am mad. 
Mad at who or what, I cannot tell.
It is only the feeling I know so well.
My mind knows, but doesn't seem to share.
Or maybe it does, and this is my despair.
Madder and madder, I seem to grow each day.
Life has not been dealt to me, in the proper way.
That is how it is with life, and living. 
No choice of ours, how it is dealt and given.
I will keep going on, as I do now.
Maybe the feeling will erase somehow.
One of these days, I will be whole.
Then I will realize, this was my goal. 

Patt Paulos-Darrow